Just so all my readers (all zero of you) don't worry, I feel better this morning. Definitely not a sinus infection. I just needed to have my quarterly (lately monthly, but give me a break) breakdown. Seriously! Moving is ridiculous!
Today I feel like a catcher. Is that what they call the guy behind home base in baseball? Maybe I shouldn't use a baseball analogy. Or maybe I feel like a goalie at a hockey match (is it a match or a game? Maybe I shouldn't use sports analogies at all). Anyway, I'm in place, the pads are on, and I'm ready to catch whatever comes flying at me. Bring it.
Ok, not really. I feel better, but I'm not going to ask for more!
Friday, May 22, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Too Much
We leave in a week and a half.
Our house is full of junk. Most of it to be gotten rid of. Some to be thrown away, some to be given away, some still to be packed. The piles keep getting mixed up.
I have a cold--maybe a sinus infection. I've been working on packing, and kind of sick, all week. And all feeling sorry for myself because I'm leaving and I'm packing and I'm hot and tired and sick and why isn't anyone calling me and AAAAHHHH!
I want to work of some stress at the gym, but as forementioned, I'm sick. And antsy, which aren't a good combination.
I just found out for sure that I have Celiac Disease. (intolerance to wheat, barley, rye, or anything containing a derivitave of them, or anything that has touched them!) I've been gluten free for a month, but it's official now. So unless it's a certain brand of yogurt or fresh fruits and veggies, I have to think hard and look it up before I eat anything. I'm living at least 2 meals a day on fruit and yogurt at the moment because I just don't have the time or mental energy to think about it!
And the Digestivo (the dr. I went to about being celiac) says that my thyroid function is low, and I should quick see an endocrinologist before leaving (in a week and a half) to get that regulated since I won't be able to go to the dr. in the U.S. til the end of June. Another appointment. Fun!
I get about one online translation a day, freelance. Just a couple bucks, but it's good exercise for my brain.
We have company coming tomorrow. A friend of Paul's who knows we're moving but desperately needs a couch to crash on. We've warned her--she can crash on the couch, if she can find it! But even among all the moving mess I feel the need for my house to look nice for company.
And did I mention that we're moving in a week and a half? We have a place to stay for the first week but still haven't taken care of the car rental there, closing out accounts and things here, etc. A lot of that was supposed to happen this week and didn't because of stupid being sick.
It's too much. I. CAN. NOT. HANDLE. ONE. MORE. THING.
That's all for today.
I hope Memphis is nice, because I'm not moving again. Ever.
Our house is full of junk. Most of it to be gotten rid of. Some to be thrown away, some to be given away, some still to be packed. The piles keep getting mixed up.
I have a cold--maybe a sinus infection. I've been working on packing, and kind of sick, all week. And all feeling sorry for myself because I'm leaving and I'm packing and I'm hot and tired and sick and why isn't anyone calling me and AAAAHHHH!
I want to work of some stress at the gym, but as forementioned, I'm sick. And antsy, which aren't a good combination.
I just found out for sure that I have Celiac Disease. (intolerance to wheat, barley, rye, or anything containing a derivitave of them, or anything that has touched them!) I've been gluten free for a month, but it's official now. So unless it's a certain brand of yogurt or fresh fruits and veggies, I have to think hard and look it up before I eat anything. I'm living at least 2 meals a day on fruit and yogurt at the moment because I just don't have the time or mental energy to think about it!
And the Digestivo (the dr. I went to about being celiac) says that my thyroid function is low, and I should quick see an endocrinologist before leaving (in a week and a half) to get that regulated since I won't be able to go to the dr. in the U.S. til the end of June. Another appointment. Fun!
I get about one online translation a day, freelance. Just a couple bucks, but it's good exercise for my brain.
We have company coming tomorrow. A friend of Paul's who knows we're moving but desperately needs a couch to crash on. We've warned her--she can crash on the couch, if she can find it! But even among all the moving mess I feel the need for my house to look nice for company.
And did I mention that we're moving in a week and a half? We have a place to stay for the first week but still haven't taken care of the car rental there, closing out accounts and things here, etc. A lot of that was supposed to happen this week and didn't because of stupid being sick.
It's too much. I. CAN. NOT. HANDLE. ONE. MORE. THING.
That's all for today.
I hope Memphis is nice, because I'm not moving again. Ever.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Denial and Distraction
I'm not exactly sure what I'm supposed to be feeling right now. Excitement? Some. Sadness? Yeah. Underlying panic that may bubble to the surface at any moment and cause me to say words that I don't normally say? Definitely.
But mostly I feel...normal. Like this is just life. Like I know it's a big deal but no matter how hard I try I can't get my mind wrapped around the big deal that it is, so I'm just normal. We need to sort more and start packing, confirm shipping prices, etc. We need to actually start giving away all the stuff that we've promised to other people. We need to figure out a plan of action (car, place to stay, etc.) once we're in Memphis. It's not that I'm ignoring it--completely. It's just that I may be in denial that this is actually happening--and soon. And there is plenty to distract me.
•Exhibit One: Battlestar Galactica
Christine introduced us to this lovely show a few months ago and we have devoured it all. We just finished the end of the last season. It was such a nice escape into a completely alternate reality, and to lay our little problems down to worry instead about cylon human relations, war, peace, and the survival of the human race. That's done now, one distraction gone.
•Exhibit Two: Harry Potter
Harry Potter is my escape default. Completely different universe. Seven whole books, a great plot, and good wins over evil. I'm on book seven for the who knows how manyeth time, so that distraction is about to be done too.
•Exhibit Three: Figuring out what the heck to eat
I can't eat gluten anymore. I started getting migraines several months ago, digestive stuff, etc. Basta decir que the doctor has tested me for Celiac Disease (I get the results back in a week), and I'm not eating gluten. I feel sooooo much better until I accidentally eat gluten, and then I'm way sicker than I was before. Super sensitive. Anyway, trying to figure out what the heck I can eat and where the heck I can eat and what the heck that I ate on Friday made me sick for two days takes up lots of time! Not the most fun distraction, but a great one. I'm really thankful for finding this out before the move, though. It will be much easier to start out with a gluten free kitchen than to have to go back and change things!
Most of my down time is spent chilling with Paul, reading Harry Potter, or researching Celiac things for Madrid and Memphis. We're going over to friends' houses who are cooking us lovely dinners. We're hanging out with people as much as possible. My brain can't hold anymore.
So with all this going on is it ok to feel this normal? Good even? Is it all going to come crashing down around me, or am I really this tough. I'm hoping the latter.
But mostly I feel...normal. Like this is just life. Like I know it's a big deal but no matter how hard I try I can't get my mind wrapped around the big deal that it is, so I'm just normal. We need to sort more and start packing, confirm shipping prices, etc. We need to actually start giving away all the stuff that we've promised to other people. We need to figure out a plan of action (car, place to stay, etc.) once we're in Memphis. It's not that I'm ignoring it--completely. It's just that I may be in denial that this is actually happening--and soon. And there is plenty to distract me.
•Exhibit One: Battlestar Galactica
Christine introduced us to this lovely show a few months ago and we have devoured it all. We just finished the end of the last season. It was such a nice escape into a completely alternate reality, and to lay our little problems down to worry instead about cylon human relations, war, peace, and the survival of the human race. That's done now, one distraction gone.
•Exhibit Two: Harry Potter
Harry Potter is my escape default. Completely different universe. Seven whole books, a great plot, and good wins over evil. I'm on book seven for the who knows how manyeth time, so that distraction is about to be done too.
•Exhibit Three: Figuring out what the heck to eat
I can't eat gluten anymore. I started getting migraines several months ago, digestive stuff, etc. Basta decir que the doctor has tested me for Celiac Disease (I get the results back in a week), and I'm not eating gluten. I feel sooooo much better until I accidentally eat gluten, and then I'm way sicker than I was before. Super sensitive. Anyway, trying to figure out what the heck I can eat and where the heck I can eat and what the heck that I ate on Friday made me sick for two days takes up lots of time! Not the most fun distraction, but a great one. I'm really thankful for finding this out before the move, though. It will be much easier to start out with a gluten free kitchen than to have to go back and change things!
Most of my down time is spent chilling with Paul, reading Harry Potter, or researching Celiac things for Madrid and Memphis. We're going over to friends' houses who are cooking us lovely dinners. We're hanging out with people as much as possible. My brain can't hold anymore.
So with all this going on is it ok to feel this normal? Good even? Is it all going to come crashing down around me, or am I really this tough. I'm hoping the latter.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Today I'm Glad
Today I'm glad about a lot of things, about Madrid and Memphis:
•I'm glad that I don't have a ton of things to do my last month here. That means I get to hang out a lot!
•I'm glad that we can finish Battlestar Galactica with Christine (she introduced us, after all)
•I'm glad that we can still open our home to people.
•I'm glad that we have our wonderful fresh market a couple blocks away.
•I'm glad it's sunny and I feel like running again.
•I'm glad we have help and a developing network of people in Memphis.
•I'm glad everyone seems to be recommending the same church to us!
•I'm glad I feel more and more like we're called to Memphis--like we're going for something bigger than ourselves.
•I'm glad Memphis has a whole-foods market--with lots of gluten-free goodies!
•I'm glad they serve the tea sweet in Memphis.
•I'm glad it seems like there are lots of apartments open in the neighborhood we're interested
•I'm really really really glad that Paul and I are in this together and growing closer through the experience.
•I'm glad I'll be within a day's drive of most of the people I'm related to.
So evidently there's a lot to be glad about!!!!!
•I'm glad that I don't have a ton of things to do my last month here. That means I get to hang out a lot!
•I'm glad that we can finish Battlestar Galactica with Christine (she introduced us, after all)
•I'm glad that we can still open our home to people.
•I'm glad that we have our wonderful fresh market a couple blocks away.
•I'm glad it's sunny and I feel like running again.
•I'm glad we have help and a developing network of people in Memphis.
•I'm glad everyone seems to be recommending the same church to us!
•I'm glad I feel more and more like we're called to Memphis--like we're going for something bigger than ourselves.
•I'm glad Memphis has a whole-foods market--with lots of gluten-free goodies!
•I'm glad they serve the tea sweet in Memphis.
•I'm glad it seems like there are lots of apartments open in the neighborhood we're interested
•I'm really really really glad that Paul and I are in this together and growing closer through the experience.
•I'm glad I'll be within a day's drive of most of the people I'm related to.
So evidently there's a lot to be glad about!!!!!
Monday, April 20, 2009
Letting Go
It's been forever since I've posted. I guess I figured I'd have all this stuff to process, and I totally do. I just haven't had time to sit down and do it! I'm sure that when I'm in Memphis and don't know people I'll have plenty of time to sit down and think--hopefully not TOO much time :).
I've been thinking a lot lately about letting go. Handing things over. It's a hard thing but a good thing at the same time. Saturday was my last time leading service design. I lead music two more times, and then I'm done.
I went away from the service on Saturday feeling like things were in good hands, and that's exciting. It's just hard to let go.
Troy talks a lot about holding things with open hands, and I'm trying to remember that. This is God's church, not mine. God's worship ministry, God's service design team. It's not that I'm giving up something that was mine--I'm handing off something that was never mine in the first place, and hopefully handing it off better than when I found it.
God, help me to trust you with leaving and hold them with open hands, realizing that after all, your grip is the one that matters, not mine.
I've been thinking a lot lately about letting go. Handing things over. It's a hard thing but a good thing at the same time. Saturday was my last time leading service design. I lead music two more times, and then I'm done.
I went away from the service on Saturday feeling like things were in good hands, and that's exciting. It's just hard to let go.
Troy talks a lot about holding things with open hands, and I'm trying to remember that. This is God's church, not mine. God's worship ministry, God's service design team. It's not that I'm giving up something that was mine--I'm handing off something that was never mine in the first place, and hopefully handing it off better than when I found it.
God, help me to trust you with leaving and hold them with open hands, realizing that after all, your grip is the one that matters, not mine.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Fine Wine
(The title of this post is ironic since I have recently discovered that my migraines are caused by red wine, so I can't enjoy it anymore. Still, I think it's a good analogy)
I have a theory about good wine. The first good wine is always the best. Once you've had a really good wine, a good, aged, full-bodied (I call it round) wine, every other wine, even good ones, will not quite reach the quality of that first great glass. For me, that good wine was a red zinfandel from California that I had last May at Paul's parents' house. I can still close my eyes and feel the smoothness of it. It was one of those wines that you don't just taste--you experience it. Since then (until I was no longer able to drink it), every sip of wine I've had has been compared to that one. It's the standard.
Today we had our last "team day," a day together before the Crulls go on furlough, and then Amy, and then Paul and I move to the States. Our last time all together as a team. We reminisced about the last several years, about our relationships with each other and the amazing things God has done in our lives and in Madrid. I love these people so much, and have learned so much.
For me, the experience of working on the Oasis Madrid team has been my fine wine, my red zinfandel. It has been more than a job, it has been a life-changing experience. It has affected the way I view church, God, the world around me, family, myself, work, everything.
I'm lucky to have had such an experience. Just like most people in the world don't have the luxury of even clean water (much less good wine), I think many people don't get to experience community in this way, for this long. I have been irreversibly changed.
I'm not saying I won't have good work or church experiences again. I'm just realizing that this is my "first good wine." It's the standard that new good experiences will bring to mind.
I'm so thankful for this team and this experience. If I leave here with one emotion, it will be greatfulness.
Thank you, Oasis Madrid and Christian Associates, for five years of fine wine.
I have a theory about good wine. The first good wine is always the best. Once you've had a really good wine, a good, aged, full-bodied (I call it round) wine, every other wine, even good ones, will not quite reach the quality of that first great glass. For me, that good wine was a red zinfandel from California that I had last May at Paul's parents' house. I can still close my eyes and feel the smoothness of it. It was one of those wines that you don't just taste--you experience it. Since then (until I was no longer able to drink it), every sip of wine I've had has been compared to that one. It's the standard.
Today we had our last "team day," a day together before the Crulls go on furlough, and then Amy, and then Paul and I move to the States. Our last time all together as a team. We reminisced about the last several years, about our relationships with each other and the amazing things God has done in our lives and in Madrid. I love these people so much, and have learned so much.
For me, the experience of working on the Oasis Madrid team has been my fine wine, my red zinfandel. It has been more than a job, it has been a life-changing experience. It has affected the way I view church, God, the world around me, family, myself, work, everything.
I'm lucky to have had such an experience. Just like most people in the world don't have the luxury of even clean water (much less good wine), I think many people don't get to experience community in this way, for this long. I have been irreversibly changed.
I'm not saying I won't have good work or church experiences again. I'm just realizing that this is my "first good wine." It's the standard that new good experiences will bring to mind.
I'm so thankful for this team and this experience. If I leave here with one emotion, it will be greatfulness.
Thank you, Oasis Madrid and Christian Associates, for five years of fine wine.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Pleasant Surprise
Up until a couple days ago we thought we knew no one in Memphis. We had no leads on a church or ways to get into the community. We were just ...well...going.
And then I sent out my newsletter telling everyone the news. Here's what happened since:
•Matt, a friend from Christian Associates in Montevideo emailed immediately to say that he's from Memphis! He gave us a lead to a church that's doing good stuff, and to an Indian restaurant (per my request--I'm going to miss all the multi-ethnic food here in Madrid)
•Toni (married to Matt) introduced me to some friends by email.
•Those friends have already gone way beyond the normal level of helpful. They even made us a little video with google maps, explaining what different neighborhoods were like!
•Roy (a friend from Harlan now in Alabama) emailed to introduce me to a friend in Memphis who is from Harlan.
•The friend from Harlan emailed, and I found out he went to high school with my oldest sister!
•Also, he works for the same church that was recommended to me by Matt and Toni.
•A friend from college emailed to let me know another friend was living only an hour or so away.
Everyone, many of them people we have never met in person, has been so great about offering to help in any way they can. I told Paul last night, "I feel so...taken care of!"
I think Heather summed it up best. When I told her all the crazy connections and about all of the input and help in getting to know Memphis before we even get there, she just said "God sees you."
Yeah, He does.
Why does this continue to surprise me?
And then I sent out my newsletter telling everyone the news. Here's what happened since:
•Matt, a friend from Christian Associates in Montevideo emailed immediately to say that he's from Memphis! He gave us a lead to a church that's doing good stuff, and to an Indian restaurant (per my request--I'm going to miss all the multi-ethnic food here in Madrid)
•Toni (married to Matt) introduced me to some friends by email.
•Those friends have already gone way beyond the normal level of helpful. They even made us a little video with google maps, explaining what different neighborhoods were like!
•Roy (a friend from Harlan now in Alabama) emailed to introduce me to a friend in Memphis who is from Harlan.
•The friend from Harlan emailed, and I found out he went to high school with my oldest sister!
•Also, he works for the same church that was recommended to me by Matt and Toni.
•A friend from college emailed to let me know another friend was living only an hour or so away.
Everyone, many of them people we have never met in person, has been so great about offering to help in any way they can. I told Paul last night, "I feel so...taken care of!"
I think Heather summed it up best. When I told her all the crazy connections and about all of the input and help in getting to know Memphis before we even get there, she just said "God sees you."
Yeah, He does.
Why does this continue to surprise me?
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